For such a time as this

As I get ready to leave the profession I have studied about, worked out, cried during and laughed about, learned in, stressed over, grew because of, and loved for the last 10 years,....

I wonder.... did I make a difference?

I know that God puts us where he needs us for the time that he chooses. I believe that He placed me at my school for such a time as... as what I just finished.

I have to think....

Did I make Him smile with what I time I had here? Did I do my best? Did I make Him proud? Did I show His love to my students, my coworkers, my kids' parents and my bosses? Did I complain too much? Did I help to make His plans work or did He have to make a new one because I chose to follow my 'brilliant' idea....which most likely, ended up not being brilliant? Was I someone who made a difference? Was my time at school a blessing for others?

I sure hope so. I have learned so much. So much about myself, my God, how I am wired to do and what I am wired NOT to do. Ha! Ha! I am going to miss not working with my kiddos but maybe there is a new group of kids. For such a time....

The funny thing is that I NEVER thought I would leave teaching. I think others are surprised too! But I feel a peace about leaving. About changing professions. About the move. I always imagined myself one of those teachers that people talk about like... "She has been teaching for HOW MANY YEARS!? She is crazy!!!" You know the one who has 18 million books, reproducibles, posters from half a decade ago, and 43 million absoluetly hilarious stories. Yup. That's who I thought I would end up being. But apparently, God has bigger and better things. That's kind of exciting?!?! No?

I'm moving to Florida!

So... I have news. After much thinking, praying, talking, crying, smiling and preparation--- I have decided to move to Florida! It's kind of an amazing story of how this all happened. ...and still happening!

What?!?!?!

You want to hear the story?

Well.... twist my arm why don'tcha

...OUCH!!

OK! OK!!

Ha! Ha!

Are you comfy? Good.

So this story's beginning is a little fuzzy. I am not sure when exactly I began to want to move to Florida. It may have been when my sister, Amanda, moved down to her hubby's old stompin' ground. Yes, I believe that was it. When Curtis and Amanda moved to Florida, I think that is the first time moving out of Fort Wayne, Indiana seemed like a good idea.

I had moved to Fort Wayne, IN when I was in college. I went to Taylor University Fort Wayne and LOVED every minute! I made awesome friends, great memories and ultimately found a new place to live. Along with an awesome job, an amazing church and cool roommates... I found friends that became my family. The hardest thing about living in Fort Wayne that my nearest family member was over 3 hours away. I know, I know... you may be thinking that it was a blessing! And, granted... there were probably times when I was thankful family couldn't just pop in but... 99.9% of the time--- I missed them terribly.

Fast forward to this school year. I'm not gonna lie... this year has been the most difficult in my teaching career. I don't do well with change (as you noted on my previous post) and this year was full of it. New principal, new expectations, new changes I hadn't anticipated... It all seemed soooooo different. I wasn't on a 'team' at school because I was the only one doing what I was doing in the building so--- I couldn't bounce ideas off, have help finding lessons...you know collaborating like I had in the past. That was difficult for me. Then I found out, that our whole school was changing how they did things and that everyone was surplussed. (We had to reinterview for our jobs.) ACK!! Change again!!

Fast forward again, to about a month ago. I had been out with friends and celebrating a birthday when my sister calls and tells me that there is a possible job opening and would I consider it. Whoa! Hold your horses!!!! Me move to Florida?!?!? Uh... I gotta think and pray about that! ... so that is what I did.

I fasted and prayed (along with my awesome prayin' posse...see post below) and felt like God was opening the door for me to at least find out about this new change. I mean... everything was changing anyway so... why not find out about this new possibility?!?!

Over spring break I interviewed then accepted the position of Student Data Coordinator with A+ Tutor U. The job is working with tutors, getting reports completed and making sure deadlines are met. I won't be working with kids or teaching. I know... shocking!!! I will be working from home and setting my hours so that I can get my work done. I am excited about the job, lovin' the people I will be working with, pumped about living close to my family (ok.. specifically my sweet nephew Cai) and, surprise of all surprises... looking forward to the change.

I love and feel very peaceful about the decision I have made. But it will be soooo hard!! I have dear, dear friends that I will have to leave. I won't see them on a daily/weekly basis. It's true, we have facebook, twitter, email, Skype and all kinds of technology to keep us connected but ..... there is nothing like sitting on a couch laughing about Arrested Development or The Office, crying with each other as we share family heartaches, taking a 20 minute walk that ends up being 2 hours, floating on a raft in the middle of snake infested waters, making crazy home-made gifts to trade at Christmas, hiding from kids at camp.... you know those things that are irreplaceable and impossible to do connected to a computer.

I know I will make new memories and have new experiences. I will build on to the relationships that I have already started and form new ones. What an adventure this will be... what an adventure.

Who moved my cheese.... I mean changed my cheese?

Change. It's a curious thing, no?

I mean if you think about it, there really is so much meaning packed into those 6 letters.

It can mean that you have given someone money and they, in turn have given you less money back. ...ok....less money and a new pair of shoes but... less money is what we are focusing on. ...but I do love a new pair of kicks!

It can mean a new hairdo, a different look, a new you! Love that idea... speaking of hair...I have to call to my hairdresser!

It can mean that nothing stays the same. Everything is different. Everything is new.

That, my blogger friends, is where I find myself relating to change.

...and I am not good with that kind of change.

I am moving to Florida. Different job. Different climate. Different living situation. Different friends. Different EVERYTHING!! I know that change is a part of life. Things change all the time. If we look around, we see that things rarely stay the same. Change is immanent. We change jobs, directions, decisions and occasionally our under ware. You would think that by now, we would not fear change. But fearing change is exactly my problem. I fear what I don't know.

Is that because I don't trust enough?

Is it because I am such a control-freak and need to be in control of my decisions?

Is it because I am afraid I will make a bad choice?

Is it because I am comfortable and can be complacent

without too many people noticing??? (...ouch)

Is it because I am afraid to hurt those that I love by my choice?

Stink... I think the answer is yes. Yes to all of them. But here is the thing, blogger buddies, I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7) Did you catch that? I need to hear it again.

God has NOT given me a spirit of fear

but of power

and of love

and of sound mind.

He has given me a spirit of power to overcome obstacles. Power to make decisions with His guidance. He has given me a spirit of love so that when I cry with friends that I am leaving, I can love them more and remember that I am just a phone call (or plane ride) away. He has given me a sound mind. Ha! Ha!.... I mean, yeah... a sound mind. He has given me clarity of thought and wise counsel to follow so I can be confident in my decision.

So where is this fear coming from? I think two places...

1. I think this move is a door that God has opened up and will be such an exciting blessing for me and for those around me. I think the enemy knows that and HE shaking in his skivvies!! He is afraid!! He is afraid that I may be more effective for the kingdom if I move. He is putting his fears onto me and, weak as am, he has succeeded in making me uncertain and fearful.

and

2. I have never done anything of this magnitude before. I think there is a healthy fear that I am dealing with too. The kind of fear that keeps sane people from robbing a bank, jumping out of a moving car ... or plane, for that matter. I think that a certain amount of fear helps to keep us making really stupid choices or not making hasty decisions.

So.... what am I saying?

I am moving to Florida, changing professions and changing my life. Am I nervous? Of course. Am I excited about the new opportunities? Absolutely! Am I so excited to finally live around my family? You bet you bottom dollar! (???what does that even mean??) I am so happy to be moving, sad to be leaving dear friends and anticipating new blessings from my God.

I have 4 words to end with....

Bring on the beach!!!

Ahhhhh the life...